I've been having a terrible battle with depression lately. To the point where my mind is really never at peace anymore. I'm always either upset or angry. Never truly happy anymore. How can I get that peace of mind back when I feel like everything and everyone hates me? When I feel so alone, and seriously, every time I'm alone, I'm balling my eyes out. This is pain I've never felt before, and stronger than I've ever felt.
When you find yourself in a place of depression or anger, don’t strain yourself by trying to get ‘back’ to some imagined state of peace. Meet the depression and anger. It is because you are trying so desperately to escape those feelings that the very fact of their presence makes you feel like you are failing.
We are always alone, whether we are surrounded by people or not. But because we resist that aloneness, trying to fill it with things like people and pleasures, we don’t really get to see the aloneness for what it is.
Think of it this way: when you are with strangers, maybe you feel a little controlled or reserved. You think you need to be collected and with a certain appearance. But when you are with your best friends, you’re totally loose. You can say and do whatever you want, it is as if you are alone but also with people.
That is real aloneness. Not isolation and disdain but ease and openness. And because you are in reality always alone, whether you perceive others present with you or not, you can always be open. That aloneness is the same as Oneness.
So the first step is staying with these things from which you are trying to run. Instead of running from this feeling of being alone, actually take your attention into it. If you stop judging, resisting, and assuming things about the aloneness, what is it really?
When you think to yourself “everything and everyone hates me”, ask yourself, is that true? Can you really say that for sure? Of course not. I certainly don’t hate you, which already disproves that notion. What about the opposite? Everything loves you.
You are here because of love. The Earth and the universe conspired together and you were born from that love. You aren’t here because of your parents, or society, or any purpose/meaning you can give to your life. You are here because the Earth and the universe loves you.
It is not enough to read these words and agree, disagree, or feel better. You must take this experience you are having and use it as a means to grow. Imagine if you can reconnect with your basic nature of peace even while feeling as though you are depressed, angry, and everyone hates you. How amazing would that be? It means that no matter what is happening in your mind, body, or world, you still are basically okay.
Knowing that for yourself leads to a very humble kind of fearlessness.
Practice meditation and Tonglen daily. A book that will really make a big difference in this process for you is The Places That Scare You by Pema Chodron. Get it and read it and live by it.
It made me want to punch this person. I know she didn’t mean it any way, but then she kept going, saying that I obsess too much about eating “healthy weird food” and that I need to eat some “real food”. I don’t even know what that means. Then she goes on about how if I keep losing weight I’ll be…
I don’t think other people have any business telling you what to do with your own body. That goes for both people here, unless one of them was a ohysician but it doesn’t sound like it.
I know your friend was probably trying to be nice, but it only comes off as rude.
“I wish I knew how to love someone without killing myself. How to mend hearts without breaking my own. How to kiss and not create bruises.”—Michelle K., Things I Wish I Knew How To Do (via drapetomania)
What's your deal brotha? You're here reblogging all these white bitches. Where the sistas at? Where's that black blood man? You putting up all these blonde chicks and these light chicks when you should be putting up some black skin. Stop tryin to be white man. You were born black. Stop selling out.
Well I was going to ignore this, but it pushed me over the edge. And there’s so much wrong here…I’ll take it bit by bit.
First and foremost, be glad you aren’t around me at all. Why? You’d be picking your teeth up right now. Because calling women bitches isn’t acceptable. At all. I may not know all of them very well, but I’ll knock your head off your neck for that shit. So you’ve fucked up there already.
But next, what does race have to do with it? Because I reblog girls with blonde hair or girls that aren’t black I’m turning my back on my race? REALLY?
Fuck that noise. If I want to reblog a 9-foot, 400-pound purple amazon, I’ll reblog that shit. This is MY blog. This is what I want to post.
Selling out…that…hearing that always gets to me. So I’m not feeding the stereotypes, I’m selling out. So because I’m not posting fat ass after fat ass on my page, I’m selling out. Fact is, I haven’t found many black fitblrs on here. If so, we don’t communicate all that much.
I’m trying to be white? Speaking to white people makes me no less black than a man spending his time on a farm makes him a cow. I am black, I was born black, and whether you like what I do or not, I’m gonna be black until the day I die.
Do not challenge my race, do not challenge my decision-making, do not call women “bitches” in my ask box, and for your sake, do not message me with this idiotic garbage again.
I apologize to any followers that were offended by this asinine ask.
Oh yeah, I’ll reblog as many blondes as I see fit.
I’d tell you to fuck yourself but you literally haven’t got the balls.
OMFG I need to track my tag more often cus I just saw this — I was tagged by futurehealthfreak in a “answer these questions game” HELL YES.
1. What is a super interesting fact about yourself? Not sure what counts as super interesting, but I once fainted in the Dalai Lama’s bathroom & I’ve never been the same since.
2. What is one thing you wish was different about your life? Part of me wants to say that I wish I never self-harmed and the other part wants to say that I wish I stilled lived in Europe.
3. List 3 short term goals! a. To get into Hanuman-asana (yoga version of the splits) b. Fill up my sketchbook c. …get the balls to apply for jobs? Is that a goal?
4. Favorite song and why? THIS IS SO TOUGH. OK, my favourite album of all time is Metallica’s S&M, so anything from there (esp One) is golden. Favourite song of the moment is probably Trails & Ways cover of Miracle. Hype machine it.
5. Admit something terrible you’ve done recently! I do so many terrible things on a daily basis. Hmm. I’m gonna say that I VERY recently lied about ditching someone. Because I wanted to go to the gym and didn’t want to talk about Jewish theology.
6. What do you usually think about before you fall asleep? I am usually thinking about a boy or about how I wish I was enlightened.
7. What is your dream job? Playing with puppies all day and eating doughnuts? No? I can’t? OK my ideal job would be a yoga teacher or a Buddhist retreat centre caretaker but also a diplomat. It makes no sense I know.
8. Tell me about the newest friend you’ve made. Let’s see… I made two friends around the same time but I’ll talk about the girl instead of the guy She’s an archaeology PhD candidate, very nice, from NorCal, and she likes Llamas.
9. What do you think will be the next greatest invention or discovery that’ll impact all of mankind? TBH I think it’s prob the self driving car and I’m p sure the impact will be highly negative.
10. If you could spend the day with anyone, dead or alive, who would it be and why? Moses, Dostoyevysky or Buddha. I’d have the easiest time talking to Moses, sad as that is.
11. When you’re upset, anxious, or nervous what puts you most at ease? I drink tea, do yoga, and try to name as many green vegetables as I can as a distraction. If the feeling is still there, I take a hot shower but usually the veggies scare it away. :)
Basically I am supposed to be studying rn, especially since I got locked out of class on Monday but I was so impressed with myself for being productive on my paper and do quality work in record time, AND fitting in a workout that I am pretty sure I capped out in terms of productivity today.
To bad uni won’t see it that way when it comes to my Tibetan exam…
UK grading system 75-100 A+ 70-74 A 64-69 A- 60-63 B+ 55-59 B 50-54 B- 46-49 C+ …
Yeah having dealt with both, and the French system, tests in European school systems are such that it is incredibly difficult to score in the 90% range so the expectations for students are different.
So I remember consistently achieving slightly above the median in my classes in the French school system (roughly 60 to 70%) but these were considered higher marks than they would be in the states because A. The mean score is actually the fucking mean score and B. because the American equivalent of an “a” in the French school system is supposed to demonstrate exceptional work.
Likely I think the problem in American grading systems that a C is no longer considered a decent average grade but rather a bad grade, which encouraged severe grade inflation to the point that anything below an 86 was “bad.” On the flip side, it means it takes less effort to achieve an “A” so truly exceptional work doesn’t get the space it deserves.
Kinda feel like everyone loses in the American grading system TBH.
“The ceramics teacher announced on opening day that he was dividing the class into two groups.
All those on the left side of the studio, he said, would be graded solely on the quantity of work they produced, all those on the right solely on its quality.
His procedure was simple: on the final day of class he would bring in his bathroom scales and weigh the work of the “quantity” group: 50 pounds of pots rated an “A”, 40 pounds a “B”, and so on.
Those being graded on “quality”, however, needed to produce only one pot — albeit a perfect one — to get an “A”.
Well, came grading time and a curious fact emerged: the works of highest quality were all produced by the group being graded for quantity.
It seems that while the “quantity” group was busily churning out piles of work-and learning from their mistakes — the “quality” group had sat theorizing about perfection, and in the end had little more to show for their efforts than grandiose theories and a pile of dead clay.”—
Art and Fear- David Bayles and Ted Orland (via qweety)
Perfection is intimidating. I think most artists blocks come from the fear of creating something imperfect.